OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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