Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
