Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
