I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
