dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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