how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
