idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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