Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
