i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
