Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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