I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
