I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
There are leaves in my underwear?
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