I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize