That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
