Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
