I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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