im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
