I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize