Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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