omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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