I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
