You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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