I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
