Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
