i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i now understand why vodka
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
