I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
