somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
