i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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