it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
high people should be assigned attendants
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
