please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
