Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
