I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
