After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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