I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
