yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
