i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
