i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
where are you?
Hypothermia
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
