I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
