I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
