Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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