theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
