I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
