the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
