sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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