Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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