so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
