imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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