He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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