it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
