I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
