I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize