she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
