new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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