He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
