Operation Purity has been aborted
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
