you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
