Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You're a waste of cheezeits
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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