i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
