Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
