The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Acid is not a monday night drug
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize