she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
They have beer where we have blood.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize