I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
