girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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