I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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