Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
