Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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