I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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