im six kinds of drunk right now
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So much Jack, so little girl.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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