3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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