you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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