we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
