you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
